Trans Book Reviews has a unique proposition going on at their site. It’s not just that they review only books and stories that are non-cisgender (so transgender, non-binary, agender, or anything else that isn’t strictly cis); they also have a cisgender and a non-cisgender person review each one and post both reviews together. In terms of fostering understanding and support, I think that’s fantastic. Check out their site at https://transbookreviews.wordpress.com.
This past weekend, I had the very unusual opportunity to connect with other non-binary people as part of a larger event, in a closed discussion that didn’t include any mono-gendered people (well, except for one woman who wandered in, not knowing what the discussion was about. Once we realized she wasn’t non-binary, we had to send her on her way, which felt rude, but which was absolutely necessary).
There were about a dozen of us, sitting in a circle and just asking and answering questions. Most there were younger–college age or early twenties–but there were also three or four forty-and-up people, myself included, and age seemed to be no barrier in the discussion. There wasn’t anyone else there who definitely identified as bi-gender, but that didn’t really matter, either. The uniting experience was of being neither strictly male nor strictly female.
It seemed to me that it was a relief and an empowering experience for everyone there to be able to talk to other people who shared something of their experience. The other opportunity I had to participate in a group like this, the experience was very similar: mostly younger people, no one else who identified as bi-gender, and everyone delighted to be there.
To follow up on this, I’m going to look into organizing a one-day non-binary conference, perhaps in Massachusetts this summer. I don’t yet know exactly what we’ll do apart from having open discussion, but that will develop over time. If you’re interested in this conference, please drop me a line. If you’re interested but wouldn’t be able to make it in person, please still get in touch: I want to look into ways that it might be possible to include people remotely through some kind of private videoconferencing.
If anyone has suggestions for the conference or (better yet) is interested in helping plan or organize or staff it, I’m enthusiastically interested in hearing from you. I don’t know that anything like this event has happened before (though I’d love to hear about it if it has), and regardless, this has the opportunity to be a singular event for those of us who feel a little marginal sometimes.
By the way, this site is now also accessible through the address bi-gender.com. I may do more with that domain in future, or create a more broadly focused non-binary site.
I’m late finding it, but an article in the March 27th issue of Time Magazine, “Beyond ‘He’ or ‘She’: The Changing Meaning of Gender and Sexuality” (also available online at http://time.com/magazine/us/4703292/march-27th-2017-vol-189-no-11-u-s/ ) offers research and individual accounts on the changing understanding of gender and sexuality. They don’t mention bi-gender people (but then, hardly anyone does), though they do make note of one person who identifies as gender fluid and describes a bi-gender-like experience of life. They also pretty much ignore non-binary people older than their mid-twenties. Still, it’s a well-written and informative article that answers some questions about how widespread non-binary genders and sexual preferences are, how younger people tend to regard them, and how they’re changing in our culture: well worth a read.
My friend Kristin passed along a recommendation to me for Jeff Garvin’s YA novel Symptoms of Being Human (Balzer + Bray, 2016), which tells the story of Riley Cavanaugh, a genderfluid teen. It’s the first book I’ve read where a major character could really be considered bi-gender (though Riley never uses that word, and “genderfluid” is probably a better description of who they are). Riley moves back and forth on the scale between male and female, feeling more boy one day and more girl the next. The story deals with their experience trying to walk a fine line of being themself and not drawing unwanted attention. That line, it turns out, is too thin: as in real life, there are people who take real exception to anyone crossing gender lines or trying to mix genders.
In terms of entertainment, if like me you enjoy YA (young adult) fiction, as more and more adults seem to do these days, Symptoms of Being Human is a good read. Some of the positive attention Riley gets doesn’t feel realistic to me: without giving away what goes on in the story, Riley seems like a realistic teenager with realistic gifts, but some of those gifts are received as though they’re amazing and exceptional, and I found that a little hard to swallow. Garvin also chooses to never let Riley reveal what sex they were assigned at birth, and I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, as Garvin must have intended, it keeps the focus on Riley’s actual gender instead of letting us get hung up on Riley’s assigned sex. On the other hand, while being non-binary is very tricky regardless of your assigned sex at birth, the challenges are a bit different depending on what that assigned sex is, both socially and physically, and this story glosses over those differences. Still, it’s refreshing to have a character whose assigned sex at birth is simply beside the point.
In terms of gender experience, Garvin does a great job, especially since nothing in the public information I’ve seen about him suggests that he’s anything different than a straight, cisgender male (he describes himself in this article about gender identity as an ally). Evidently he spent a lot of time reading and talking to transgender and non-binary people before he began to write, and it shows in characters who feel true-to-life in their gender non-conformity.
For a contrast, consider Lauren McLaughlin’s enjoyable but unrealistic YA novel Cycler, in which the main character inexplicably flips back and forth between being physically male and physically female: it’s a good read, but it has no wisdom to impart about being non-binary–though to be fair, I doubt it’s meant to.
Symptoms of Being Human is mainly preoccupied with the difficult question of whether to come out, and how much, and to whom, and how to try not to give your gender identity away before you’re ready. These are important and interesting question, though it was a little disappointing to me that they ended up being the ultimate questions in the book. From my point of view, coming out is a secondary issue, and the main thing is how a person lives and figures out who they are when they don’t fit into the gender binary we’re all taught is basic to our identity.
But Symptoms is a badly-needed and rewarding read, and my hope is that that it’s only the beginning for Garvin and for Riley, that before long we’ll see the continuation of Riley’s story and what comes of them facing these deeper issues.
Until I dove into being bi-gender, I’d never realized that different romantic orientations and gender identities had their own flags. It also never occurred to me why you’d want a flag for such a thing until this week, when I’m planning on attending my first Pride event. (Yes, I know, it’s ridiculous never to have been part of one before.) Suddenly, I realize that there’s a bi-gender flag, and I could wave it around, and there would actually be a chance of someone seeing me with it and pretty much fully understanding my gender identity just by looking. Boy, is that a novel thought!
Unfortunately, since of course there’s no central authority of queer people (what would that look like), it turns out there are more than one bi-gender flag. It’s going to be hard enough just to get people to recognize one flag on sight, so more than one design is a problem! Because of that, I’m going to only show the most common/popular/widely-accepted bi-gender flag here.
I love this flag: I picture myself bouncing up and down from the top to the bottom, with some other bi-gender people hovering in the middle, where the lavender is.
Unfortunately, as far as I can tell, nobody actually sells these flags. I am looking around, and I’ll update the post if I find a place that sells them. I don’t have a use for a big banner, but I’d love a flag on a stick I can wave around.
One fairly common mistake seems to be to use the Intersex flag. For anyone not familiar, Intersex means having physical characteristics of both male and female sexes. This is of course completely different from being bi-gender, which is having two genders (often, but not always male and female), taking turns and/or in some mix.
Over the course of the past six months or so, I’ve been lucky enough to be in touch with several dozen bi-gender people scattered around the world. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but we’re extremely hard to find: not many people currently identify as bi-gender … though that may change.
Here are a few common questions and answers about bigenderism.
Q: What does bi-gender mean?
A person who identifies as bi-gender experiences two different genders. Often the two genders are male and female, but one or both of the genders could be something entirely different from either of those. Some bi-gender people move back and forth between genders, some move here and there on a spectrum between their two genders, and some mostly stay in one state combining their two genders.
Q: What are some examples of bi-gender identities?
1. A person who was designated a female at birth, who has had “top surgery” to gain a flatter chest, and who generally speaking feels mostly male but also partly female
2. A person who was designated a male at birth, who has male anatomy, and who moves back and forth between being female and male on an irregular schedule.
3. A person who was designated female at birth and who sometimes identifies as female and sometimes as having no gender.
Q: Do people decide to be bi-gender?
The short answer is no. Bi-gender people generally experience their genders first and only later are able to make sense of them. For many of us, our gender identity never made complete sense to us until we discovered the term “bi-gender” and that there were other people who were like us. As a rule, a non-bi-gender person can’t decide to be bi-gender, and a bi-gender person can’t decide not to be. Many of us have spent a lot of effort in our lives trying and failing not to be bi-gender, simply because it can be confusing, difficult, poorly understood, and sometimes badly-treated.
Q: What research has been done on bigenderism?
Virtually none. As of this writing, I’m conducting a non-scientific but careful survey of bi-gender people in an attempt to assemble some basic knowledge of what bigenderism is and how people experience it. If you’re bi-gender, I’d be deeply grateful if you add to our knowledge by taking the survey, here.
Drs. Ramachandran and Chase of the University of California, San Diego have studied a small minority of bi-gender people who reportedly switch back and forth between male and female involuntarily, a condition Ramachandran and Chase have dubbed “Alternating Gender Incongruity,” or AGI. However, it does not appear that AGI is at all common among bigenders. Of the dozens of bi-gender people I’ve spoken to, zero have reported having this condition. One individual portrayed in an episode of the radio program Radiolab who had AGI apparently suffered from a neurological condition and, when treated, experienced a gender identity shift to transwoman.
Q: Is it “bigender,” “bi-gender,” or “bi gender”?
Both “bigender” and “bi-gender” are used, but I advise “bi-gender.” It looks a little more awkward, but the term is unfamiliar to most people at the time of this writing, and “bigender” is too easy to read as “big ender.” Some of us may have big ends, but it’s considered polite not to consider this a defining characteristic.
“Bi gender” is a misspelling: it’s just one word, so there should be no space.
Q: What’s the difference between bisexual and bi-gender?
Bisexuality is a sexual orientation–that is, it’s about who you’re attracted to. Bigenderism is a gender identity–who you are. A bisexual is like a person who enjoys and listens to both hard rock and opera, while a bi-gender person is like a professional musician who plays both hard rock and opera.
Bi-gender people can be (and often are) bisexual, but they can also be attracted only to men, attracted only to women, pansexual (attracted to people of all genders), agender, etc.
I’ll continue this FAQ in an upcoming post. Any questions, complaints, improvements, or corrections? If so, please get in touch through my contact page. Thanks!